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Life just keeps knocking me down.

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We all have those times when we feel like we get bombarded, where life just keeps knocking us down.  So far 2018 has been filled with death, illness, and injuries of people in my life more so in the first three months than the last several years combined.  The aftermath has been overwhelming.  I have been caring for loved ones and trying to climb my way out of all the things that I was putting off to be able to be there for those that needed me, so I wasn’t eating or sleeping properly as I was too worried about making sure I could fit it all in.  After I was able to get back to “normal”, I crashed.  I had been so busy taking care of everyone else, I didn’t take care of me.

After everyone was on the mend, I tried to get back to writing my book and my blog, but I was so drained that the right words would not come to me.  Every post I wrote took dark turns.  I couldn’t find the inspiration to even be able to write a page in my book.  So I decided to put everything aside and focus on me.  I had already planned on taking the summer off from school to focus on writing, but so far I have ended up focusing on me instead.  And you know what?  It is working.  I am beginning to feel like I can work writing back into my life.

Yes.  I had set goals for myself that I have not reached, but other things in life took precedence over those goals, so I simply put those goals on hold.  Sometimes that is what we have to do.  You do not have to give up your dream just because it isn’t working out the way you want it to, you just adjust your timeline or the path you take to reach your dream.  I am going on a very relaxing vacation in August.  There isn’t anything close by that will distract my family with the sparkly lights of “we have to go do that”.  There isn’t anyone going with us!  It is going to be a week of I don’t have anywhere else to be or anyone to entertain.  I can’t wait!  I am hoping to find a little time each day to be able to write and get my book back on track, but if not, I will be in pure relaxation and my mind and body could definitely still use that too.

Don’t be afraid to adjust your timeline when it becomes impractical.  Don’t be afraid to change your goals if you find out that it isn’t really taking you in the direction you need to go.  Don’t be afraid to redefine your dreams.  The things I wanted as a child are not all the same things that I want know.  We grow, our world expands, unexpected circumstances happen, and things change.  How will you react?  Do dream.  Do set goals.  Do take care of you.

 

Coming out of the fog

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It has been an emotional few weeks.  My daughter’s godfather unexpectedly passed away.  He was such a bright, loving soul, that simply learning that he was no longer a part of this world, made it seem grey like everything was muted as if it were covered by fog.

I took the first week off while trying to absorb the news and have struggled with getting back on track.  While I am not as excited or feeling as inspired as I did before, I have not only met, but surpassed the goal I had set for myself this month.  I know I will get back to where I was before, but it will just take some time to adjust and to mourn.  Which is where the inspiration for today’s post came from.

While we need to mourn what we have lost, we have to remember to be grateful for what we still have.  Life is still going on all around us.  It can be necessary to step back for a moment, but it is vital to not remove yourself for too long.  Do not become a recluse.  Do not forget about the hopes and dreams that you had before you suffered a blow.  Mourn, then pick yourself back up, and find your way to carry on.  Whenever something is removed from your world that cannot be regained, it does change things, but that does not mean you cannot still obtain what you want out of life.  You may have to change your strategy or realign your priorities, but you are still here.  Having goals gives us something to strive for, so you should always be working toward a goal.  Maybe that goal is writing a book, maybe it is simply getting out of bed, but once you obtain one goal you then set a new one.  Alright, today I got out of bed, tomorrow, I will not only get out of bed, but I will shower and get dressed.  Sometimes goal setting requires taking baby steps, but sometimes it can move by leaps and bounds.  Today it may be that its baby steps and tomorrow it may be small leaps.  That is ok.  Just keep moving forward.  And just like with any goal, there will be days that you have a setback.  Something will remind you of your loss, whether it be a song, a smell, or a picture, and that memory will cause you to mourn again, but each time it should become a little easier to gather yourself back up to move forward.

I wish you luck in seeing the light burning through the fog.

SMART Goals and Book Update

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I’m feeling pretty good about my progress on the book.  I had set a goal for myself of reaching 20,000 words by the end of February.  I am on track to surpass that!  Part of setting goals for yourself is making them SMART.  Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Relevant. Time-bound.  I wasn’t certain how having school re-enter my world would effect my ability to find time to write, so I didn’t want to make my goal unachievable, but I may have underestimated myself.  I am already at just under 17,000 words, so unless something major happens, I will more than likely surpass that by 5-10 thousand words.  I will take what I am able to do under consideration and look at what my class load and what life has in store for me in the coming months to determine what my next goal should be.  The worst thing that I could do for myself would be to set a goal that was not achievable, but at the same time, setting a low goal is not good either.  Take stock of yourself and write down what your goal and deadline is keeping in mind to keep it SMART!  Good luck!

Stress

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For those of you that may not be able to read the caption on the above picture it says:  “I’m a little stressed right now… (just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.)

A frequent underlying theme in my posts these past few months has been about goals and how it is important to continue to work toward them no matter what roadblocks life puts in your way.  Sometimes there is great stress that comes along with these roadblocks.  Recently, life has been stressful for me.  I had a lot of “to do’s” during a time when I thought I would get to relax and focus on my more solo interests and especially my personal goals; however, as always, life threw a curve ball.  My professional work increased to the point that at times I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  My personal life was filled with the normal holiday self-imposed stress and, of course, the stress from the never ending remodel.  Life was busy at every turn.  I was exhausted.  I was irritable.  I was not happy.  I did not even realize it.  But I felt like the person in that picture.

Stress sometimes has a funny way of sneaking up on you like that.  I knew that professionally I was working a lot harder than I had anticipated, but I was too busy trying to be wonder woman and do it all, that I did not realize that I was being short, that I was falling asleep really early, and that I seemed miserable to all those around me.  It took two things to happen for me to realize it.  I had written my third blog post in a row that took a completely negative turn and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it so it stayed (and still remains) in my drafts folder and my 8 year old daughter looked at me one evening and said “Mommy, you’ve changed.  You aren’t being very nice lately.”  I was crushed.  It felt like a vice was squeezing my heart.

That evening after everyone went to bed I sat and reflected on the events of the prior weeks and I realized that nope, I hadn’t been very nice.  I was so busy trying to do all the things that I had to do and that I wanted to do, and those things that I had set goals for myself to do, that I ran myself ragged.  I burnt that proverbial candle at both ends and I was burnt out.  I was not properly handling the hurdles that life was throwing at me, but in my bid to stay focused on my goals, I kept jumping over them, but I was fumbling and tripping in my bid to overtake them and reach the finish line.  So I stopped.

I took a break from working on my goals.  I did what I needed to do to get through my day at work, did what I needed to at home, but I didn’t do anything more.  I knew that there was a very near end in sight to those overwhelming projects.  I knew that it would be a short hiatus.  I knew that it was what I needed to do to regain my sanity and be closer to myself again, because I was not properly managing my stress.

Earlier this week I was finally able to feel like I could breathe again at work, my head is already in a better space, I’m still tired, but my mood has improved greatly.  Sometimes when the path toward our goals becomes too bumpy, we have to take a break and allow things to smooth out.  Sometimes you have to re-evaluate your approach or your timeline to obtaining your goals to make sure that you haven’t set the bar too high. The important thing is that you don’t forget what your goals are and that you have a plan to get back on track to working toward your goal.

I was giving myself until the end of this month to get back on track before re-evaluating my goals and the different arenas of my life to determine what needed to change.  I am happy to say that here I am, writing a post before the 31st of the month and I didn’t have to try to edit the extreme negativity out of it.  Life is getting back on track and it feels good.

How do you manage stress when life becomes overwhelming?

I did it!

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**Update:  I just noticed that Amazon has my published date listed as December 31, 2017.  I guess they run on West Coast time so… Yay!  I achieved the goal I sat for myself! lol

Ok.  I missed my declared deadline by just a little, but after a day filled with activities and the head cold from you know where, at 1:47 on the morning of January 1, 2018, I hit publish on the first few chapters of my book!  And to top it all off, it was almost the 10,000 words I had hoped to publish at this point.  So apparently it can take almost 72 hours for Amazon to officially post your book for purchase (as soon as it posts I will get a promotional sale going to lower it to free and post the link all over this website), so it isn’t up quite yet for any of you to read, but I did it!  Eeeek!  Happy New Year!  I am going to bed!

As promised, here is the link to my book!  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078R28ZGG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1514815865&sr=1-1&keywords=delaney+flowers

It is available for free now on Kindle Unlimited and beginning tomorrow and running until Saturday I will be offering a free book promotion.  Thank you in advance for your feedback!

Merry and Bright

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Has it really been a month since I last posted in my blog?!?!  I was shocked when I logged on this morning and saw my last post was on December 1st!  We had a wonderful Christmas here in West Virginia and are looking forward to the new year.  Because of the kitchen remodel, which is soooo close to being finished, I have already had to take down my Christmas decorations, so things are no longer looking as merry and bright as they did last week.  I was also busily trying to complete my class while gearing up for Christmas, so I guess the combination of it all has made time just fly by.

I am happy to report that I was able to fit in time for writing; however, I also had an idea that took the first installment in a different direction that I liked better and called for major re-edits, but it also means that a future story is also further along.  The downside is that it put this one a little further behind.  I was hoping to have about 10,000 words to publish at the end of the year, but my knew goal is to at least make it to the first love scene.  I will let you know when it is posted!  I am so excited to be fulfilling one of my dreams.  I have so many poems and short stories that I have written that I am thrilled to finally be writing a real book.  I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and are looking forward to a Bright New Year!

Life Under Construction

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There are so many areas of my life that are “under construction”.  You would think that in my late 30s, I would have most of it figured out, but life always has a way of throwing you curve balls and making you adjust.  I was going to spend my time off over the summer working on my writing.  on June 29th, the day before we were scheduled to leave on vacation, a water line going to our dishwasher ruptured and flooded half of the kitchen and was somehow running outside and down our basement steps.  The kicker was that we did not know that it had caused so much damage to the kitchen, because it was all under the flooring.  We took it in stride because we have been talking about remodeling the kitchen for years, so it just brought that project forward a few years.  All I can say is “Thank God for home improvement store credit cards with special 0% financing on larger purchases and a nicely timed reclassification in my job at work to help pay the bill!”

My boss decided that my position being reclassified into its appropriate pay bracket meant that I should take on additional responsibilities, so I also got to become the grant writer and administrator for my department.  Which can be very rewarding, but adding it on top of my other responsibilities, makes it is also challenging and makes me arguably the busiest person in the office.  Which is frustrating when you watch and listen to the free time that co-workers have.

On top of all of that, I am coming to the realization that the larger than one child family I had always dreamed of is more than likely not going to happen.  I put on the brave “I will take whatever God will give me” face, but secretly am disappointed when my sometimes monthly visitor comes knocking.  I am told that I am a ticking egg bomb waiting to explode, so the infertility doctor won’t in good conscious give me anything to assist in ovulation.  I do truly mean that I will take whatever God gives me, but I keep holding out hope that He will give me more and He is just waiting until the right time.  Unfortunately there has to be a time when I stop wishing and praying for it to happen.  I need to accept my lot in life and move on, but it is one of the wars that I wage in silence.  My husband doesn’t worry about it.  He is happy with what we have, but if it happens, it happens.  I am not so stoic, because as the one who is tasked with harboring that new life and protecting and nourishing it until it is ready to come out into the world, I feel like a failure when it is unable to successfully do so.

And that just made this post take quite the depressing turn…  I rarely know where my fingers will take me when I start these posts.  My brain starts me off with a small idea and then my fingers just take over…lol  So to get back on target… Our lives have a way of veering off course, it is how we go about getting back on track that defines us.  Sometimes we just take a small detour then jump right back on the same route, but then other times we have to take the scenic route or even change directions all together.  The important thing is that we keep moving forward toward a goal.  While I am not as far into my writing as I had hoped to be, I am still sneaking in a little time whenever I can to write.

While almost 6 months later my kitchen is still literally under construction, my life is always figuratively under construction.  I will always have some area that needs to be improved.  No one is perfect.  No one ever gets to have the perfect life that they dreamed about there is always a speed bump in the road that will at least slow things down.  Just as I will always strive to be a better me and will have to adjust my life goals or my path to obtaining those goals, I will not quit on trying to be a better version of myself or reaching for goals.

I believe that having a goal gives your life direction.  We all probably have unspoken goals set for ourselves, but I think that it is important to write your goals down and develop a plan for how you are going to meet those goals.  You should even give yourself a deadline for obtaining your goals.  I have a goal for myself to publish the beginning chapters of my book by the end of the year.  I have 31 days to complete this goal and I am starting to get nervous and excited, but I am determined to meet that deadline.  I have just over 2 weeks of my current online class left and then I will be able to dedicate all my spare time to furiously writing and editing to make sure that I am putting a product out there that I am proud of.  Here is wishing you a life that is continuously under construction…

Where do you like to write?

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Do you have a particular space or environment that you like to write or read in?  I have always dreamed of having a writing desk in a comfortable quiet room or nook that has a window that overlooks a garden or some other amazing view.  A place for me to get lost in my own little world.  A place that I can gaze out at and find inspiration or just get lost in my thoughts.

My reality is that I write wherever I can.  It usually ends up being in bed with the dogs curled up on top of me, barely giving me any space to work.  I have also sat in my husband’s comfy recliner after the rest of the house has gone to bed and in a noisy waiting room as my husband had simple medical procedures completed.  For me, the important thing right now is that I am finding the time to write.  Having a full time job while also going to college and having a family presents its challenges in finding the time to effectively write.

Do not allow not having your perfect setting or situation stop you from reaching for your dreams.  Life is not always perfect, we have to be willing to compromise.  While you should not have to compromise reaching for a goal that is realistic and obtainable, I absolutely promise you that you will have to compromise on the path you take to obtaining it.

Life is full of roadblocks.  They can be figurative ones we create in our own heads or literal ones that we have to face on our journey, the important thing is that we find away around the hurdle to continue toward our goals.

Writer’s Block

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What do you do when you encounter writer’s block?  I can sometimes just walk away from my writing for awhile and inspiration will return to me after spending time focusing on something else for a while; however, sometimes I have to go write something completely different entirely.  I often find that during my day I will overhear a conversation or think of or see a characteristic in someone that I want to include in one of my characters.  I try to write these things down as soon as I think of them or see them, but if for some reason I can’t it is almost like they stay trapped in the back of my mind not allowing anything else to come out until I write them down.  (Which is really unfortunate when I am trying to work at my real job.)  At other times, I will start writing a scene and then realize that it doesn’t flow well with the rest of the storyline, but it is still a good scene, so I will save it as an idea for another installment.  What I hate is when I loose focus on the story that I am trying to write because I am so focused on the scene that I have had to remove and just have to finish writing it or decide which future character the scene would best fit with.  Then there are just those times when nothing will come to me at all, so I will read books I have stored on my Kindle, watch tv or movies, or simply focus on my other creative pursuits outside of writing to give my brain a rest.  When all else fails I eat chocolate.