There are so many areas of my life that are “under construction”.  You would think that in my late 30s, I would have most of it figured out, but life always has a way of throwing you curve balls and making you adjust.  I was going to spend my time off over the summer working on my writing.  on June 29th, the day before we were scheduled to leave on vacation, a water line going to our dishwasher ruptured and flooded half of the kitchen and was somehow running outside and down our basement steps.  The kicker was that we did not know that it had caused so much damage to the kitchen, because it was all under the flooring.  We took it in stride because we have been talking about remodeling the kitchen for years, so it just brought that project forward a few years.  All I can say is “Thank God for home improvement store credit cards with special 0% financing on larger purchases and a nicely timed reclassification in my job at work to help pay the bill!”

My boss decided that my position being reclassified into its appropriate pay bracket meant that I should take on additional responsibilities, so I also got to become the grant writer and administrator for my department.  Which can be very rewarding, but adding it on top of my other responsibilities, makes it is also challenging and makes me arguably the busiest person in the office.  Which is frustrating when you watch and listen to the free time that co-workers have.

On top of all of that, I am coming to the realization that the larger than one child family I had always dreamed of is more than likely not going to happen.  I put on the brave “I will take whatever God will give me” face, but secretly am disappointed when my sometimes monthly visitor comes knocking.  I am told that I am a ticking egg bomb waiting to explode, so the infertility doctor won’t in good conscious give me anything to assist in ovulation.  I do truly mean that I will take whatever God gives me, but I keep holding out hope that He will give me more and He is just waiting until the right time.  Unfortunately there has to be a time when I stop wishing and praying for it to happen.  I need to accept my lot in life and move on, but it is one of the wars that I wage in silence.  My husband doesn’t worry about it.  He is happy with what we have, but if it happens, it happens.  I am not so stoic, because as the one who is tasked with harboring that new life and protecting and nourishing it until it is ready to come out into the world, I feel like a failure when it is unable to successfully do so.

And that just made this post take quite the depressing turn…  I rarely know where my fingers will take me when I start these posts.  My brain starts me off with a small idea and then my fingers just take over…lol  So to get back on target… Our lives have a way of veering off course, it is how we go about getting back on track that defines us.  Sometimes we just take a small detour then jump right back on the same route, but then other times we have to take the scenic route or even change directions all together.  The important thing is that we keep moving forward toward a goal.  While I am not as far into my writing as I had hoped to be, I am still sneaking in a little time whenever I can to write.

While almost 6 months later my kitchen is still literally under construction, my life is always figuratively under construction.  I will always have some area that needs to be improved.  No one is perfect.  No one ever gets to have the perfect life that they dreamed about there is always a speed bump in the road that will at least slow things down.  Just as I will always strive to be a better me and will have to adjust my life goals or my path to obtaining those goals, I will not quit on trying to be a better version of myself or reaching for goals.

I believe that having a goal gives your life direction.  We all probably have unspoken goals set for ourselves, but I think that it is important to write your goals down and develop a plan for how you are going to meet those goals.  You should even give yourself a deadline for obtaining your goals.  I have a goal for myself to publish the beginning chapters of my book by the end of the year.  I have 31 days to complete this goal and I am starting to get nervous and excited, but I am determined to meet that deadline.  I have just over 2 weeks of my current online class left and then I will be able to dedicate all my spare time to furiously writing and editing to make sure that I am putting a product out there that I am proud of.  Here is wishing you a life that is continuously under construction…